


Echoes of Wings Long Lost

by Saphire_Tsuki



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adventure, Canon - Video Game, Diary/Journal, F/M, Journal Run
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-04 00:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphire_Tsuki/pseuds/Saphire_Tsuki
Summary: Selena did not expect her fate to be tied up with bright red eyes, black wings, or the Shouts of dragons. She didn't know what she expected, but it certainly was not this. Now she has to figure out what she is going to do with herself, in this land of bitter cold, bright sunlight, and death. Where will she go, what will she do, and who will she be? Who was she, and what does this not-memory mean for her?Join the Bosmer Selena and her various companions in this Journal Run of Skyrim.





	1. The rules of the game.

**Author's Note:**

> First things first: This fanfic is entirely a record of the Journal Run of Skyrim. I will be editing things to make a proper narrative, and exploring some aspects that are barely touched on in the game within the fanfic itself.

A Journal Run is a run of a game in which you actually write entries for what happens in the game, as opposed to writing it down as though they were happening presently. The entire game as played will be put up here in accordance with the rules I made up for this whole thing. In the journals I will be giving any companions I use more agency than the game does, allowing them to go and do things on their own or say things on their own.

 

The rules of a Journal Run (as made by me) are:

  1. Write Journal entries every time you enter a town.
  2. Write a Journal entry every time you meet friendlies and it would make sense to make a camp with them.
  3. Write a Journal entry every time you reach a safe place, such as a hut in the wilderness.
  4. Write a Journal entry every time you set off to head to a different town.
  5. Each night in town go to an inn or home and sleep.
  6. Write  _and_ play in character, if you want to do something you must have some form of justification for it happening.
  7. If you have spectators for the run, allow them to vote on any branches in quests. 
  8. If you have spectators, allow them to vote on race.
  9. If you have spectators, allow them to vote on house building and family making.
  10. No fast travel aside from carriages.



* * *

**Characters:**

Name: Selena (Se- _re-_ na)

Race: Bosmer

Appearance: Long, loose brown hair, red eyes. Small for her race, and a little pudgy. Her skin is pale, enough so that if you didn't see her eyes and ears you might think her an especially tan Breton. She appears young for a Bosmer, within her first century. She appears just over 19 to any of the races of men, but even she does not know her true age, and her small size may play a part in her youthful appearance. There are, curiously, no scars on her body... nor any marks of any sort, as though she were a newborn babe.

Personality: As an amnesiac with no idea why she was on the border, or even of being on it, her first memory is of the cart that would have taken her to her death. She is shy, and more than a little lost with herself, but articulate and determined to do the right thing... once she figures out what that is.

* * *

  
Name: Zinny

A male mage trapped in Selena's mind, his appearance is unknown as, of course, he's in her mind. It's unclear just what magic caused the accident that forced him into her mind, but he is there. He is one of the 'Spectators' of the run out of character.

* * *

Name: Kalsmoliindrem, who's name means Champion of Passion and Peace.

A dragon 'watcher' who was known in the Merethic Age to be particularly benevolent to his charges. One of his favorite pastimes was watching the  _Joor_ meet and mate. Upon returning to life he was forced to serve Alduin... but for whatever reason planned to simply watch over the Dovahkiin and help them out. Another dragon found this out, and sought to beat him in battle, to force him to serve their master honestly. He lost, but through stubbornness was able to wound his foe, his final moments before _Sil_ and body were separated, the Dovahkiin met him, and completely by accident absorbed his soul. He is enjoying watching her life from the sidelines, and is waiting for the perfect ship to push her towards. This is also a 'Spectator,' this one using a pseudonym due to being a Dragon in the narrative.

* * *

Name: Aqua

A raven of Nocturnal, she watches from afar and occasionally comments on the situation. The most Aloof of Selena's hangers on. She is also a 'Spectator.'

* * *

Name: Haviko

A Spirit in service to Stendarr, much like the Daedra are to the Princes. He currently appears to Selena as a human, a stranger to her but a friendly one in full paladin armor. For some reason she is the only one who can both see and hear him, and he appears unable to interact with men, mer, or enemies, but can interact with various objects so long as it's not used to interfere with the above. Also a 'Spectator.'


	2. Journey's Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A record of the first quest through the end of Riverwood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of making this fic, this is as far as I have gotten in the game this run. Have fun getting to know Selena.  
> The current long-term votes for how quests I know branch go are as follows.
> 
> Brotherhood:   
> Kill - 1  
> Join - 3
> 
> Blades:  
> Restore  
> Ignore - 3
> 
> Dawnguard:  
> Dawnguard - 2   
> Vampire Lords - 1
> 
> Civil War:  
> Stormcloaks  
> Imperials - 3

**Sundas, the 17th of Last Seed, 4E 201**

 

My name is Selena, a Bosmer. I have pale Bosmer skin, making me look like a tanned Breton in skin tone, though the pointed ears, sculpted cheekbones, slender body shape, and blood red eyes give away my merethic nature. I tend to hide it with my long brown hair, or at least I will soon, but I'm certain that everyone will know my Race anyway. It is very strange to find myself writing like this.... I must thank Gerdur later for this quill, quilling knife, inkwell, and blank book. Without them I would have no way of organizing my thoughts. What a way to wake it was.

To backtrack, my first memory is of waking to the sound of horse steps, and the swaying and creaking of the carriage I was in. The second thing I noticed, after my hands being tied up, was the biting cold. It was strange, actually. The first words I heard were of someone confirming where I was.... but I could not answer. He was a blond and blue eyed man, a Nord I later came to understand, and he had been captured crossing a place called Darkwater Crossing. As had I, apparently. his leader, an imposing man in nice clothing, half armor half cloth, was next to me, and seemed to burn with hatred. I... felt both glad for his strength of will, and worried for it. After all, it was aimed at me, but it was also not.... a strange feeling.

He was seeing through me, but what did he see?

* * *

Of course, as Ralof- the kind Nord who had expressed some concern for his fellow prisoners- had mentioned, we were heading towards our death. I didn't have much time to think about this stranger's hatred of me and not me. Nor of the panic of the horse theif placed across and to my right, as the carriage entered a walled city named Helgen, and I was removed from the carriage for my execution. I had thought that I hoped the child had made it inside. Then, I was fighting not to retch over the death of the theif, who had run and been shot with an arrow. He hadn't even made it halfway to the gate.

I didn't have long, Haadvar, Hardvar? A kind soldier asked for my name. I was lucky, it was the only thing I remembered. "Selena." I told him, choking it out from the bile fighting to escape. He promised to send my remains to some place called Valenwood. It felt... right and wrong to hear him say that. My fate was sealed, even if I wasn't on the list of executionies. I finally understood that my life was about to end when the Last Rights began, and even I felt a bit strange hearing "eight divines" instead of nine.... I wonder why. But then she was cut off, and the first to die was cut. I heard a roar, for the second time, and something in me curled, ready to fling something at the source.

I was knelt, facing the head and blood of the second man I had seen die, and this time I did puke. They didn't even have someone clean it up before I was shoved onto the stone, I looked as the headsman rose his axe, only for my eyes to widen as a black winged lizard landed. Eyes the same red as mine met, and something in me recognized him.... and wept. Yes, until that moment, I had not cried... but now I was. I knew him.

Once, I might have even been close to him.

* * *

As though he also sensed it, I felt a certain disgust enter his eyes, and words that should not have made sense were shouted, "*Foolish Mortals, your fate is sealed!*" And then a Shout. I mean, a shout. the same language I shouldn't understand, and meteors began to fall. Ralof dragged me to my feet, and I, watching the black dragon, for dragon I knew he was, was dragged through. The leader, Ulfric Stormcloak, made a few quips and set his people to escape, but he insisted I run first. Was I a sacrifice? Or was he truly trying to be kind? We ran up the steps, and again the Dragon struck. I survived, by gift or by luck I know not. I ran, meeting Hadvar again, and made my way to the keep. The smell of burnt flesh, vaguely present from the start, continued. The dragon flew and landed near me several times.

Was he checking to make sure I wasn't dead yet? Or was it coincidence? I know we recognized one another. Our eyes were the same, after all. As were something else within us.

Regardless I made it into the keep, or the castle, itself. I could have followed the soldier, but I knew he would be fine, so I instead moved to help Ralof. None should die this day. Something felt like it would be bad if more than had to did. He released me from my binds, and with the rumbles of the attacks from the dragon as our background noise, we moved to escape. In the hopes of giving something back to families left behind, if I could find them, I took clothes, weapons, and sometimes gold or potions from the dead. It was horrible, I felt like I was desecrating them, but Ralof insisted I take anything I could grab. We escaped.

The dragon flew off.

* * *

Then, he said we should split up. I knew if we did I would not survive. I had no memories, no map, no idea where we were... I barely remembered how to defend myself. The only spell I knew was flames, healing, and commanding animals. My swings with weapons were clumsy, fumbling, and it felt I would break a bone if I was blocked. My aim with a bow was at best barely passing. I followed.

We ran to his hometown, and he claimed that I had helped him to survive. I doubted it. I was weak. So weak. I couldn't even look at meat without gagging until dinner. I washed the smell out of my nose with river-water. We are staying the night, but after I learn enough to defend myself.... then I have to go to someone called Jarl. Gerdur is right. They need more help to survive. The dragons.... I know they are returning. I know someone has to kill them.

I just hope it isn't me.

* * *

**Morndas, the 18th of Last Seed, 4E 201**

 

  
I spent the morning reading a few books I liberated from the collapsing castle. That was fine, I probably wouldn't have written anything if my whole day was like that, but I had something... strange happen. Well, it might not be strange. I don't know. I was chopping firewood, hoping to (through that) earn enough Septims for a decent set of armor that wasn't worn by a dead person, when I heard a fellow bosmer talk about someone named Sven under his breath. I asked him about them, and he claimed that the girl he liked was better than some Nord named Sven.

I was curious, and a bit worried, so I decided to talk to Sven. It turns out that Sven had no respect for women. So, I talked to him and... before I could refuse he told me to take a fake letter to their mutual interest, an imperial woman named Camilla. Sven thinks of her as already his.... and Fendall just finds her more beautiful than all of Skyrim. I decided he deserved to be warned about this....

He did the same thing. A fake letter to give from Sven. Though, this one was far less filled with racist vitriol. I don't know what this dominion thing is, but Fendall, just from listening to him, truly cares for her. He would never tell her to 'keep her place' or some such. So, I did give her the letter from Fendall, saying it was from Sven.

She was furious, and swore never to talk to him again. Of course, then I found out someone stole her brother's ornamental claw. I promised to try and get it back, I figure that it would be easy enough to pay for it from the bandits, but.... maybe I'll ask Ralof or Fendall to help? Just in case. Fendal was very happy when I told him bout Sven and Camilla, so it might work.

* * *

**Tirdas, 19th of Last Seed, 4E 201**

  
Well that was... quite a trip. I dealt with the bandits on top of the tower... or rather, I screamed when they attacked me and Fendall dealt with them. That was... nice of him. We had a long talk afterwards, about defending oneself and others versus seeking out random people. I... wasn't sure whether I could handle it. I've killed. During the escape, and one of the bandits by accident, but I haven't really thought about what that means for myself just yet. I... I don't want to think about it until I have a safe place to rest.

I know that I'm being naive. I also know that it's hypocritical. I just.... don't like killing people. I don't like how it feels, and... I don't like the fact that it means someone who at least once had a family is gone. I haven't met anyone who deserves to die, not yet.

Unfortunately, the deaths didn't end there. There were three more bandits inside, and besides that these drauger things. The ruins themselves were amazing, all advanced stonework and carving that lasted for years, it was like it was carved out of the mountain! Of course, it wasn't, even I knew that, but still. Somehow the wood stairs were still working, though each step made me sink a half inch, so they were rotting pretty badly. It wasn't until we found the Drauger that the smell of death was noticable, so until they appeared it was actually... mostly pleasant.

We continued through until we met a Bandit named Aravel. He had the claw, but he refused to give it to us. I, not really understanding that he wasn't going to give it to us, cut him down after we killed a giant spider. (That is a whole different bag of trauma. I finally understand Ralof's distaste of them.) And then he ran off. With the claw. He got himself killed by a Drauger, and... you know. I'm not as beat up about that as I should be. I don't think he deserved to die, it's sad, but... I think I'm going numb to it. Hopefully this won't last for long...

* * *

We continued through the barrow, I think we were convinced the roof would collapse on us, and eventually had to solve a puzzle. The claw really was the key, so we went through, and.... it was beautiful. Fendall even spoke about it... which is amazing. But we made our way out, having to fight a Drauger that was stronger than the others. I then went to a wall, and.... well, I'll write down what it said here. It took me a bit to understand both versions.

HET NOK FaaL VahLOK  
DeiNMaaR DO DOVahGOLZ  
ahRK aaN FUS DO UNSLaaD  
RahGOL ahRK VULOM  
or  
Here lies the guardian  
Keeper of (the) dragonstone  
And a force of unending  
Rage and darkness.

I... don't know what this means just yet. Was it a tombstone? We continued down the mountain until we met an alchemist named Anise, and she's letting us stay the night, but... I need to think on this for a bit longer.  
  


* * *

It's morning. I'm exhausted. Faendal, finally got the spelling right, didn't think that it was very safe at that woman's place. Her name was Anise, a nice woman, but he snuck down to her cellar and when he climbed up dragged me off mid-entry. We were careful not to let her see us leave, and thus we were gone. We ran all the way back to town, it was dawn before we made it back... we split up then, with me leaning against the wall to catch my breath, and squinting at the sunlight. That was... not fun. Not fun at all. I'll have to get the claw back to Lucas and Camilla... and then I'm probably just going to sleep until tomorrow.

* * *

 

**Miidas, 20th of Last Seed, 4E201**

 

Today was spent in preparation. I traveled the forests around Riverwood, gathering materials and food for the journey, It was largely a useful bit of work. I had to take breaks... I don't think I was used to this sort of manual labor. However. It was necessary. Until I met a bunch of bandits. I was climbing the mountain, hoping to find some rabbits or vegetables, when I came across a bandit camp. It was just barrels and a bed, but there was a book, and I walked over to it and started to read... which didn't go over well. They came back while I was, and I ended up accidentally throwing a knife into one of them's neck... I ran away and puked in the forest before making my way back, book still in hand.

I... guess I can't even return it now. I'm still working through how even though I suck at fighting, I just fling my weapons around, I've managed to kill every enemy I've met that wasn't struck down by someone else. I... also talked to Alvor, the smith, about how to keep my weapons up while I travel. He taught me how to make some simple things, and how to keep them in top shape.

I guess this is it. Tomorrow I pack up and head to Whiterun, to speak the the Jarl about the dragons. I don't know how long the journey will take, but the inkeeper gave me a spare map to use, so... I should be fine. Hopefully I run across those Companions people again, and we can walk down the road. I met them during the bright of day, so we only had a meal together, but they were nice people, aside from the male dunmer.


	3. Spending All Your Gold on Books is a Bad Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It tends to leave you stranded when narratively it would have made sense to go off to do a thing right away, especially if you want to pretend that you're a real person in a game run. The good news is we ended up with twice as much gold as we expected, with 2.5k Septims in our pockets, though.

Turdas, 21st of Last Seed, 4E 201

Today was a strange day. I left around the seventh hour, just after dawn, and walked down the hill towards Whiterun. Halfway through I heard a strange voice.... well, two. One of them complained about travel at night, and another... well, this other one was strange. He started by giving me a detailed magical description of... something. I asked him what he meant, and he responded with this gem of a line.

"You know what. Crazy dark magic stuff I might of made an error and well sorry but you by random chance ended up with me." I actually laughed out loud at that, which sort of made them happy. I think. I'm... not entirely sure. Not like I can see his face or anything. It... sounded like a guy. I asked for his name, and he said "Zinny."

The trip to Whiterun was noneventful. I spent some of it talking to the second voice, Zinny, but... another part, well, there was one spot I was worried something would happen in. It didn't, there was nothing there, but why was I worried about it? I reached the entrance to the city, but they told me I couldn't ente-

Was... was that a dragon's roar? I... I can't be sitting out here. I have to tell the Jarl about them, and warn him of Riverwood's danger.

* * *

 

I only have a few minutes to write this. I had just told the Jarl about the dragons and given that old stone thing to the court mage, a man named Farengar, when Irileth, a dunmer woman with bright red hair, ran in to tell us to head upstairs. There was... a dragon. Another one? The same one? I was tasked with joining the fight, and... Honestly I'm terrified. But... but if I don't more people are going to die, aren't they? So, I have to go. Right now. Gods I hope we don't all die.

* * *

 

Fredas, 22nd of Last Seed, 4E 201

I killed a dragon. Oh, the others fought it and wounded it, but it was my flames which sealed the deal. We went to the watchtower, it was completely destroyed. The central tower still stood but, that was all. The walls around it, the barracks... they were completely destroyed. Irileth and the guards started to attack the dragon, while I tried to get up and have a good look at him. I... again, I felt like I knew him.

 **Mirmulnir** , Allegiance (to) Strong Hunt(ers). He was... I knew him. We looked one to another, but unlike the first, this one had no sense of recognition of me. No moment of change. He flew right past me, attacking the others.

*He will kill them for sport.* A voice from within, my own and yet not, echoing with a strength I did not know yet knew. I felt it in my bones. Though a good enough dragon, he would still kill the guards for sport, and me as well. I leapt into action. Literally, I jumped down the stairs of the tower and ran to the battle, flames in one hand and healing in the other.

We fought, strangely I felt no fear. The me that was not me was strong, and she lent her confidence to me.... well, not really. It felt like it, but that was me. Maybe I remembered something without realizing it? Except, no. No I did not. The battle was won.

Golden light swarmed me from his fallen form.

* * *

Though I didn't understand, still don't understand, the words of the tomb... or rather, one of them in particular, came to mind. While the guards were going on about me being something called Dragonborn I felt it bubble up, as though I were sick, and I Shouted, I mean shouted, the word *Fus.* Force, to push upon the world, even as it pushes back. A shockwave went from my mouth to several feet ahead of me, yards even, and the guards were staggered.

Another argument, but... I hardly listened. I crawled into the now safe tower, and collapsed onto the fur sleeping bag. I just woke up and had to write something, because I had a weird dream.

I dreampt of Mirmulnir.... of **ok viing ahrk ok Zaan ahst** joy.... ack, I did it again. Words I do not know the origin of. I have had to practice this entry several times, before the whole thing was written in this strange tongue. I meant "of his wings and voice in joy". He... was reunited with someone, some friend perhaps?

Either way, I must leave soon. I have to report to the Jarl and... I have to figure out why everyone is ignoring this stranger while he waves at me. Something tells me I should be alone before I try to talk to them.

* * *

Loredas, 23rd of Last Seed, 4E 201.

I woke up and.... realized i was out of money. So, I went about trying to find work to do for the day. what I found was a Redguard who was arguing with someone else. I didn't listen to it, but we met a few minutes later and... he looked so sad, so I asked him what they were arguing about. It turns out a family heirloom, a sword that had been used to keep his family in the black, had been somehow lost. It ended up in the hands of brigands, apparently. I offered to help him look for it, but he told me not to go alone.... it was at this point that Lydia and, amusingly, Haviko, both said that I wasn't alone.

With that decided we went out to find this place, Lydia promising me it would take less than a half day's travel to arrive. It did, we went and... had to defeat all of them. With Lydia we managed to not kill them, and told the guard about it, but we brought the sword to the redguard. He taught me a bit of swordwork, using a shield, and how to strike so that my opponents wouldn't get hit in any vital locations. It will take a lot of practice to get it right each time, but in time I won't be killing people unless I want to anymore!

We then traveled to the meadhall, him having told me that if I went there I could probably get further training. As soon as we walked in the door, a fight broke out between the not nice Dunmer and another companion. It was... apparently a pretty common occurrence. I stood there frozen for a bit, before turning around and running.

These companions are crazy!

* * *

 

So, I had a couple of suprises. Apparently skeletons are a thing. Drauger were real, so animated skeletons were not that... well, shouldn't have been that suprising. But they were. Eeech, that noise... I wish I could say never again, but something tells me it's not so. Anyway, There were skeletons in the graves. Animated ones. that were gross and trying to kill me. On another note, hey guess what, Mikhail was... reasonable. Somehow. So his target for wooing is safe from him. 200 gold to go until I think it's ok to go on to the Greybeards.

* * *

 

Sundas, 24th of Last Seed, 4E 201

There were a few... well, no. One thing I did today. I had heard tale of something of import being taken by some bandits, so I went to go retrieve it. I was wrong however, in that Lydia had only said that to get me some more practice in real combat before we leave for the Greybeards. We went out and traveled through the region, heading towards a mine called Redoran's Retreat. In the building we had to kill a dog, poor thing, but we managed to knock the bandits out and... actually did find an object of some worth to the wizard Farengar.

We returned to town and gave them away, coming out of it with well over a thousand more gold. I... well, there is no reason not to leave now that we have 2000 Septims on us. So, I'm going to go. I'm not sure whether or not I should take Lydia with me, she seems so at home here in Whiterun. Would it be better to go with just me and the two men, and our snarky voice of unknown identity? I will have to ask them, as it is probably going to be a long journey, at least a week for Lydia upon us leaving, even if she went back home after we arrive.

* * *

I brought up my dilema to the others, and this happened:

"She is our Houscarl, that's the right word right? And that means she's meant to serve us." Zinny was the first to answer.

Haviko then added, "The more friends the more fun I say! Come we should bring her along! Think of 5e laughs we will have?" He paused, before adding "Well whatever you think is best for us."

"It's her job to die for you." Haviko did not like that line.

"Hush now! She is a human like anyone else! With her own wishes and desires! You should noT ignore that!"

"Then she should quit. If your job is to be a bodyguard, you should know dying for another is apart of the job."

"I’m aware of that! But you shouldn’t speak of her life being just that! All life is precious, not mater what they have sworn to do!"

"She is the one who decided to do that? be a shield for others." It sounded like he shrugged, "not saying push her onto a sword but what use is she when she can't perform her duty."

"Wait, that's what a housecarl does? I thought that was just her being sarcastic." I added then.

"Basically royal bodyguards."

Haviko began again, "No she wasn’t. I’m not saying for her not to do her duty! I’m just trying to say that we shouldn’t let her die."

"Nobody said let her die."

"I, ugh.... The way you said it Zinny. It was the way you said it. That’s what set me off. It made it sound like you didn’t care for her life. I’m sorry for the outburst."

"Job desription of bodyguard - to guard and protect even at the cost of their life."

"Ugh... I’m aware Zinny. Can we go now? Talking about this anymore will make my head hurt.... And I’m a spirit!"

"And I am not sure what to classify myself as, aside from handsome."

They then spent some time talking about the nature of Zinny himself. I guess I'm taking Lydia with me, but... if it gets dangerous I'll send her home. I would feel terrible if she died because I couldn't fight alongside her, and.... honestly I think maybe this is being a bit selfish of me in the first place.

* * *

 

Morndas, 25th of Last Seed, 4E 201

I left town at 7 in the morning, and not an hour later, just as I was crossing the bridge to the road to the Greybeards, specifically Ivarstead, I saw two dragons in combat! I couldn't quite understand what they were saying, it was vague and only half-worded to my understanding, but even so I knew that one of them wanted another to submit. It did not work, however, as the one that would not was heavily wounded... and indeed landed not far from where we stood.

The first struck often, attempting to finish off the fallen one, only for my hastily Shouted "Fus" to cause them to leave, apparently they were too wounded for more than that. I ran to them, Hastily speaking in what I thought was Tamrielic but was according to Lydia Dovasiil, "Greetings, how-" I was cut off by their own quiet, almost peaceful statement.

 _"Dovahkin...."_ their eye and mine met, and with what I could only guess was a smile.... they passed from this world. The light power something passed into me, and suddenly I felt a thing within.... not like with the other, Mirmulnir, who was present but completely subsumed, entering into constant conversation with the other, but as though even when they found their place they would not fade.

This... this whatever it is, their soul? Their being? This one, at least, was different. It was of a different quality, or aspect or... I don't know how to explain it. As had happened the first time, I found myself exhausted, and with Lydia's help returned to town, where I fell asleep as soon as we had rented another room for the night. It is dinner time, and I just woke...

* * *

Instead of a dream, it was again the voice. **"Dovahkin."** They called to me from within, and... I don't know how I feel about knowing that there is some remnant of the dragon within me. I just hope this doesn't change who I am before I know who that even is! Well, at least it's not my own mind. Even Haviko heard it. I'll have to leave tomorrow, but I hope this doesn't have negative effects.

 

 


	4. Greybeards and Travel

Tirdas 26th of Last Seed, 4E 201

I parted with Lydia. She had been hit by the dragon several times, and it was more luck than anything else that kept any of the injuries from being very deadly. I couldn't bear it if she was severely injured, so I'll have to take the roads alone. She wasn't happy about it, arguing with me about whether I should send her off. I resorted to having to call it an order, and she grumbled before saying she would be in the keep if I needed her. I will leave this morning, as soon as I finish breakfast. I doubt that I'm who they want, I'm not some sort of hero. I can barely keep a friend of mine alive. I'll write when I get there, or come across an inn.

* * *

 Middas, 27th of Last Seed 4E 201

It took me a day and a few hours to get here. It was less time than I thought it would take, honestly. That said, the trip was... long and eventful. Not only did I fight the dragon, the one that seems to be... resting within me, but also...

Yesterday an assassin was sent after me. I apologize, I had to rewrite that several times, my writing is still... and on top of that, a bandit tricked me into travelling to their camp, where I was led to an ambush by his allies. I managed to keep from killing everyone else, but... him on top of the assassin, something in my snapped and... the next thing I remember the Tahrodiis bandit was below me, bleeding from a dagger to the neck. I think I'm going to be sick again. I-I can't, I-

* * *

The steps were easy to climb, actually. I did so while listening to each of the three trying to console me, and even a bird of black feather dropped a fish at my feet, saying something sarcastic about needing a bit more protein in my brain. I picked it up and put it in my pack, eating it for lunch about 3/4 up the building. I've calmed down on the climb, actually, so... I am mostly ok. Even if I find it weird that the dragon and spirit supposedly in service to a god are agreeing on something.

I walked in the building, and Arngeir met me, Arngeir being the spokesman for the four Greybeards. Yes, there are only four of them. None of them claims to be the leader, but they did give me a lesson. I arrived at 1 in the afternoon, and they taught me how to use the second word in Unrelenting Force (as I call the shout,) Ro. It took me all day, and into the night, but i've gotten the hang of it. Tomorrow they'll teach me things in the courtyard, apparently.

I haven't had a chance to talk to them about the voices... and invisible stranger. Gods, I pray I'm not going mad. that would be bad, very bad.

* * *

Turdas, 28th of Last Seed, 4E 201

I spent the night sleeping, and strangely felt like my memories were being brought to the surface. It was strange, they were only the ones I could remember, or were there more? It was a dream, I barely remember what happened in it. I had expected to have nightmares of the men I've killed until today, but instead I was remembering the friend I made, Faendal. And other things, but not the deaths. Well, whatever the reason I woke up, ate breakfast, and immediately went to training. The training consisted of most of the day being spent practicing a new Shout, Whirlwind Sprint, which essentially was like turning oneself into an arrow. My goal, to go through the gate, was repeatedly missed... for some reason I kept flying off in the wrong direction, tripping, or slamming into the gate for no reason. It took until late in the evening for me to succeed at last, at which point they told me to eat with them and spend the night one more time.

That said, part of the problem was probably the dragon in my head constantly making comments. About of all things romance. Between me and Faendal, which is just  _not_ happening. In the first place, he likes Camilla! Heck, they're already going to be getting married soon! I think. Probably. They are at least already dating. Probably. I'm probably going to get a letter about it eventually. Probably.

Tomorrow I plan on talking to them about the voices and people.

* * *

 Fridas, 29th of Last Seed, 4E 201

I talked to them about my voices, and they told me, and I quote: "Study the Way of the Voice, and you will find peace." I'm not sure if he means the voices will go away, or if I will have the will to protect myself from loosing said self, but either way I guess it wouldn't be too bad to try. They taught me how to meditate, to protect myself from the influences I might want to do so for. At the same time, I learnt some of their history. That they were formed some time after the goddess Kyne, or Kynareth, had given man the Voice as a result of wanting to help them when they were in danger. Ironically, from the Dragons. How their founder, Jurgen, came to discover the Way after a long time meditating after a great loss. The pedestals on the mountain now make a whole lot more sense, but I am worried, this Way sounds a lot less... active than I might need to be.

Then we spoke about the next stage of my training. They have a goal in mind for me, but they want me to train more before I do. After hearing Haviko's talk of what Stendarr represents... I think I might try to visit those Vigilants of Stendarr people, their God sounds nice enough. Hopefully they will be as well. If I can figure out where they are, anyway.

* * *

Loredas, 30th of Last Seed

So now crazy cultists are after me. And the Jarl of... some hold, is sending me letters. The guards captured the cultists, and gave me their orders and such but... seriously? And one of them was apparently named Neil. One of Zinny's friends. Kind of blew what we were talking about out of the water. Gosh.

Cultists.

What did I do to get targeted by cultists?

* * *

Zinny has been laughing since I had to turn around. I gave Kimmik the news that the supplies had made their way up, he gave me 500 gold, and then I found a necklace for and informed an insane (in the form of a poor child) man that his sister is dead. He took it surprisingly well, crying but happy to have her necklace back to remember her. I feel sorry for Narfi, maybe one day when he dies he can be with them. I don't know much about the afterlives, actually. Then we left for Windhelm, I figured I should head for the snowy areas, as I had heard it was where there was a base for the Vigilants was actually somewhere in the snowy lands. After that I plan on heading to the College I keep hearing about. Zinny has mentioned that he wants to be, you know, out of my head.

I started going the right way, but ended up in the complete wrong direction not long after. I ended up heading to Morthal before I turned around and headed for Kynesgrove... because my map was kind of hard to read, or because I sucked at reading them, or because my ability to read maps was compromised, or some other reason I don't know, but I finally arrived at Kynesgrove. Finally. Zinny is still getting a kick out of the situation, I think.

* * *

Sundas, 31st of Last Seed 4E 201

I promised to find a shield for someone in a cave after convincing them not to worry about a debt for the inkeeper. I think I need to reconsider my life choices, but for now... guess I'm going to look for a shield.

* * *

Morndas, 1st of Hearthfire, 4E 201

I had gone and gotten the shield, but as he was in a far less skilled state than Lydia, didn't have him come with me despite him saying he wanted to. Instead, I asked for directions to the next town and headed for Windhelm with them.... where I stepped in only to see a Dunmer woman being mistreated by a Nord. Wasn't this the hometown of Ralof? Why the heck was this allowed? I moved to interrupt, but they walked off before I could. I, steaming, informed the dunmer woman that she didn't need to take that from him, or anyone, and she told me that frankly it was commonplace and not worth the effort to fight off.

I plan on having WORDS with that nord eventually. I went to go to bed first, not wanting to act on this anger but.... It is very lucky I didn't see him. I might have gotten in a fight. He would not have won.

* * *

 Several things happened. First: I went in search of a place to buy some food, accidentally ended up with an assassination job to do. I don't want to, but maybe if I warn her then she won't die? Second: I found out where the hall is, and am heading there right now. I ended up in Nightgate Inn, where I'll read for the day and rest, get some practice in before bedtime.

* * *

 

Tirdas, 2nd of Hearthfire, 4E 201

"Time to see what the boys in the religion are doing!" It was with Haviko saying this line that we stepped into the hall of the vigilant. Right away we were met with cruel statements.

"May Stendarr have mercy on you, for the Vigilant have none to spare." It was told to me several times. The raven, on figuring out where we were... decided to stay perched on a small ledge a short ways away.

I tried to ask one of them something, but they instead directed me to the Keeper of the Vigil, who said when I approached "The Mercy of Stendarr does not extend to Deadra worshipers." Well. That was... uhm. Something.

"You're a Vigilant of Stendarr?"

"Yes. Our order was founded after the Oblivion Crisis. We dedicate our lives to facing the threat of Daedra wherever they appear."

"Who's Stendarr?"

"He is the God of Mercy. The patron of order and justice for all of Tamriel. We bring his compassion where none can be found, by cleansing all those who would offend his children."

"You hunt daedra?"

"And any other abominations that prey on mortals. Vampires. Werewolves. Witches. But the Daedra are the worst. Their callous disregard for our lives is abhorrent in the eyes of the God of Mercy."

"What's dangerous about daedra?"

"They are profane creatures with no hope of redemption. They lure innocents to their deaths and corrupt the souls of all they touch. And their heretical artifacts grant powers to mortals that wreak havoc across Tamriel. They must be destroyed or guarded to prevent temptation."

I.... I don't think I like them. They are letting me stay the night, but then I have to be on my way. I'll have to figure out some way of getting food to the talking Raven. I think her name was Aqua? I... I hope that Haviko will tell me that this isn't what Stendarr should be like. Please.


End file.
